Perry at the Priory
In the summer of 2004 Pericles the Decoy Duck spent a month in The Priory to get over his worm and bird seed addiction.
This blog was originally set up to chronicle his experiences and the inevitable escape attempts.
However, it refuses to die.
The Characters
Pericles - Our Hero
Ron - a Lemming, Pericles's roommate
Bob - a discontented lizard
Dai - a Llama
Schrondinger - a Cat, Dai's roommate
Hermione - a Peking Duck
Thaisa - a Duck, Perry's sometime girlfriend
Doris - a Turkey, Matron at The Priory
Skippy - a dodgy Kangeroo
Sandi- a Great Dane
and
Ethel - a duckling who claims to be the fruit of Perry's loins
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Day 20
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The Tufty Club Book of Sleuthing is proving very helpful on the subject of solving mysteries. It even provides a handy check list detailing the steps to take:"First - Catch your Perp"
Frankly I wouldn't know a perp if it came up and bit me on the parson's nose. So this morning we interviewed suspects instead. We saw Doris, Dai, a kleptomaniac magpie and a pair of anally retentive squirrels. Bob's also on the list but we're in no hurry to talk to him. He still pongs a bit from his dirty protest down in the cells.
Nevertheless we still had a few surprises. Dai immediately ate Ron's bamboo slivers and rubber hose so Ron was in a total funk for the rest of the morning. One of the squirrels made a pass at me, but he really wasn't my type and besides, I must keep myself pure for Thaisa (the bird I met at the wetlands centre). To cap it all, the bulb blew on Ron's high powered lamp. Amazingly Doris saved the day. She dug out one of her own interrogation lamps and generously loaned it to Ron. I never realised that there was something of the knight about Doris.
Unfortunately all our suspects had alibis and we finished by lunchtime. Interviewing Bob was out of the question without a functioning hose, so Ron went off to his anger management group and I went back to our room to catch up on some reading for my Book Group.
I was still in the bathroom, studying "Mallard's Wives" in Playduck, when Ron came back from anger management to get changed for his boxing class. I stayed put since I didn't want to embarrass him by walking in while he was still half-dressed. He's been very sensitive about his physique ever since he started this boxing course. If that wasn't bad enough he's got Neville the Gorilla as a sparring partner. That simian doesn't stand a chance.
Ron was taking a long time to get changed and I could hear a lot of squeaking sounds. Remembering that we detectives must always Be On Our Guard (Item Two on the Tufty Club Sleuthing list), I rushed into the room afraid that our perp might be trying to nobble Ron (the book also provides a handy guide to jargon).
I found Ron rolling on the floor, oblivious to my presence and engaged in a life-or-death struggle with the drawstring on his track suit bottoms. I decided it was about time something was said about his recent weight gain. As Ron stood up, still struggling, I opened my beak to make a comment but then I realised that the squeaking I'd heard was from inside his trousers!
Now I don't know much about lemming anatomy but I am a Super-sleuth and I'm pretty sure that particular bit of it is not supposed to squeak, no matter what it's doing. Ron was still occupied with the business end of the drawstring so I investigated further.
Poking out from the back of his elasticated waistband was a tuft of orange fur. I tugged on it. Ron must be hopeless with knots as suddenly everything came lose, his pants fell down and I found myself holding Schrodinger's Garfield toy.
Ron and I stood glaring at each other for a moment. A duck with a toy in his mouth and a lemming with his trousers round his ankles. Dropping the cat, I finally broke the silence. "My analyst is going to love this".
So I've found my perp. The trouble is I've no idea what to do with him.
posted at 3:04 PM
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